Living with Duane syndrome- a blessing in disguise

“You cross-eyed freak!” Sound familiar? It may if you are a young sufferer of Duane syndrome. That’s not all there is to it, though

Duane syndrome is a congenital condition (that is, it is present at birth). Many affected by the condition are unable to move the eye toward the ear (abduction). Still others are unable to move the eye inward toward the nose (adduction), or both. Duane’s syndrome is a miswiring of the six muscles associated with eye movement. In some such cases, opposing muscles co-contract when movement of the eye is desired, causing no movement to be achieved. DS is slightly more common in females than males.

Born with Duane syndrome 27 years ago, my eyes were pretty much crossed. I’ve had surgery as a young boy, which ended up not being of much help. My eyes seemed to become less crossed as I aged though, but even now the condition is noticeable. As it stands today, my right eye is lazy and my left is turned slightly inward toward my nose. I’m unable to physically move the left eye, which means I’ve limited peripheral vision to that side and also that I really need to concentrate to be looking straight on at something with my face, since my dominant eye is turned inward.

Of course, in my case as with many out there, the condition results in awkward head tilts and angles. This led to many, many instances of bullying as a youngster, of both the physical and verbal variety. Thankfully, as I grew into my teens, that for the most part went away. Depending on the individual and surrounding living situation (everyone’s life and circumstances are different), living with DS can naturally take its toll on one’s self-esteem and confidence. In my case, it’s led to my becoming a recluse and still battling those doubts I hold within, but I know that is the case with many people of all walks of life.

Usually I either naturally focus with just my left eye and thus allow people to see I’m not facing them directly (though I often avoid eye contact), or if engaged in a formal conversation, I focus really hard on trying to focus on them with both of my eyes, in which case the condition is much less notable.

Being employed within the public sector, I’ve had a handful of comments over the years, but none of the negative variety. Some people actually mistake the condition for a mere lazy eye, which is only half-right! The last time I visited the eye doctor was at least 15 years ago. He had tried fitting me for glasses, but I couldn’t decide which lenses if any helped my vision. I’m still not sure if this was my fault or if it was simply how things were. I’m due for a driver’s license renewal this year and I’m royally dreading the vision test! I wonder if I shouldn’t go see if I need glasses or contacts beforehand.

Having said all that, I don’t believe DS truly limits us sufferers: it merely presents a sort of challenge is all. I consider myself extremely lucky, in the end. I feel my case is a mild case, and even if it weren’t, I know things could always be worse. Regardless of the infliction of an individual, things could always be worse. In a way, I take the condition as a sort of blessing. For one, I truly believe it’s greatly helped refine me as a person. It’s helped me become more empathetic and observant, humble and wise. Furthermore, it’s always allowed me to stand out and be even more unique. I believe it is healthy to have the longing to blend in with society, or to at least feel one belongs within a group, even if the group consists of only a handful of people. I also see it as natural and healthy to long to stand out, and having been born with DS I guess I have a head start in that category. I’m ultimately incredibly fortunate for my every blessing, including but not limited to being able to drive well enough (silly as it may sound) and having recently married my wonderful wife. (Whether I’m looking at her with one or both eyes, she’s the most beautiful thing in this world!) If I can do it, I know each and every one of you can, too!